By Stephanie Ray, ND, BCN – Naturopath and Chinese Herbalist

You love your partner. You enjoy each other's company. You've built a life together, and the affection is still there. But somewhere along the way, the sexual fire has gotten a little low.

It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with your relationship. Sometimes the body simply doesn't have the energy to express what the heart is feeling.

Some people are concerned about their low libido, while others hardly think about it. What is a normal sex drive in a long-term relationship, and how much sexual desire should we feel for our partner?

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), sexual vitality is closely connected to the body's energy reserves and the relationship between the Heart and Kidneys.

Part of our adult experience is a self-expressed and loving sex life. The Yin and Yang principles are very engaged here. Sometimes we're rebuilding Yin, so we know to eat nourishing foods and call it an early night. When this is replenished, we have the energy to express our sexuality, a high-energy and very Yang state of being.

If you've spent years working, raising children, sleeping poorly, or giving more than you've been replenishing, there might not be much left in the tank.

It's worth understanding what's happening physically before assuming that a lack of sexual interest means a lack of love.

Sex, Happiness, and the Body's Response

Men are more than twice as likely to associate sex with happiness as women, according to a survey conducted by Tracking Happiness.

Of the 1,147 male and female respondents, approximately 20% of men associated the word "sex" with happiness, compared with 8% of women.

Interestingly, both sexes described the following five words as key to finding happiness: Love, Family, Joy, Health/Well-being, and Satisfaction.

There's more research connecting sex with happiness.

A study involving 30,645 people found that sexual frequency was associated with greater happiness among people in relationships, with that association leveling off at approximately once a week. More frequent sex was not associated with further increases in well-being.

Another study found that sexual satisfaction remained elevated for approximately 48 hours following sex. Couples who experienced a stronger sexual afterglow also reported greater marital satisfaction over the following months.

What interests me is how sexual intimacy affects the body itself.

At BIORAY®, during clinical testing of patients' urine and saliva, it was noted that their body's biochemistry, consisting of pH, salts, sugars, ammonia, and nitrates, came into perfect balance after sexual intimacy brought them to orgasm.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, stress is considered a significant contributor to problems around sex because it interferes with the smooth flow of energy.

Aphrodisiacs are part of the art and science of lovemaking and are the result of thousands of years of tradition. They can be found in foods and herbal remedies. Taking tonic herbs has subtle yet profound effects on the psyche as well as the physical body, a principle observed in Chinese herbalism since ancient times.

Is There Enough Wood on the Fire?

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, Yin and Yang are two opposing yet complementary energies that work together. Yin nourishes, cools, and replenishes, while Yang warms, activates, and provides the energy for expression. One depends on the other.

There is a basic principle to supporting a healthy endocrine system: Stock the wood and stoke the fire.

You can look at Yin as the wood that fuels the Yang fire. Kidney Yang tonics create heat in the lower burner and are intensely energizing.

But if there isn't enough wood, what is there to burn?

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Kidneys are the great reservoir of creative power, sexual energy, and longevity. They store our Jing, or Essence, which is considered the superior ultimate of the Three Treasures: Jing (Essence), Qi (Energy), and Shen (Spirit).

Jing is our primal life force, our reproductive potential, our DNA, and our seed. The minute you're born, you have a certain amount of Jing. It is your genetic stock, the foundation of your life.

I like to describe Jing as an energy savings account.

Some of us spend it faster than others.

Chronic stress, arguments, poor foods, excessive exercise, environmental toxins, insufficient sleep, and long working hours can all contribute to what Chinese herbalists call "leaking Jing."

When our Jing becomes depleted, our sexual capacity, physical stamina, concentration, and creative energy can diminish.

The first place to look is how much energy we're spending and how much we're replenishing.

In a 2019 study, researchers found that spending just 20–30 minutes in nature was particularly effective at reducing cortisol, one of the body's primary stress hormones.

Disconnecting from our devices and walking through nature is a simple way to help calm the nervous system. A little less time occupied by everything demanding our attention gives us an opportunity to restore ourselves.

Then there are the herbs.

Loving Energy® is our wood for the fire.

Loving Energy® is a restorative and calming Traditional Chinese Kidney Yin tonic. Its herbs are traditionally used for supporting the adrenal system, relieving stress and exhaustion, and restoring the body's vital creative energy.

This tonic is particularly useful for parents, teachers, artists, healers, and those who care for others—people who are continually giving rather than receiving.

Its ingredients include Fragrant Solomon's Seal Root, Eleuthero Root, Reishi Mushroom, Licorice Root, Polygonatum Root, and Schisandra Berry.

These herbs support the lungs and kidneys, help replenish moisture, and restore energy reserves when a person is anxious, exhausted, overwhelmed, or experiencing brain fog.

Traditionally known in Chinese herbal medicine as Honeymooners Tea, Loving Energy® is used to replenish what lovers expend after a night of lovemaking.

It is an ancient and reliable tonic used to build energy reserves before lovemaking and fortify lovers afterward.

If there isn't enough deeply stored Yin energy, there is nothing substantial to catch the Yang fire. Loving Energy® replenishes those reserves before we begin asking the body for more.

A Woman's Fire: The Heart and Lower Valley

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, we say a woman should feel relaxed enough to notice her healthy libido.

But what happens when her mind is busy with children, work, household responsibilities, or everything she hasn't finished that day?

A woman can feel sexually interested or mentally aroused, yet her body may not respond to the same degree when she's under chronic stress.

Western researchers demonstrated this in a 2013 study of 30 women.

Fifteen women experiencing high chronic stress were compared with 15 women experiencing average stress levels. Researchers measured vaginal blood-flow responses while asking the women how sexually aroused they felt.

The women experiencing greater chronic stress had significantly less genital arousal, even though their reported psychological arousal was not significantly different.

Their minds could be sexually interested while their bodies were less responsive.

The researchers also found higher cortisol and greater mental distraction in the high-stress group. Mental distraction was the strongest independent predictor of reduced genital response.

This is where I find the relationship between Western physiology and Traditional Chinese Medicine particularly interesting.

In TCM, the Heart houses the Shen, or Spirit, and the Kidneys are the seat of creativity, sexual expression, and orgasm. For women, the Kidneys also hold the creative power of giving birth. Conversely, when Kidney energy is depleted, a person may notice increased feelings of fear.

The Heart's Shen needs to connect with the Kidneys. If a woman doesn't feel safe, relaxed, and emotionally connected, her body can have a difficult time becoming receptive to intimacy.

When her Kidney energy is strong and replenished, she has the energy for sexual expression, but she is still at choice. This does not override her instincts to call it an early night or decline sexual intimacy with someone. She is in her full power, deciding for herself when and with whom she wishes to be intimate.

Lady Passion® is a fiery tonic formulated for women. Its herbs nourish the Blood, support circulation, and connect the Heart meridian with the reproductive organs, creating a warming and moistening effect in the lower valley.

Sexual arousal itself increases circulation to the vaginal tissues, contributing to lubrication and sensitivity. Regular, painless sexual stimulation can also help maintain vaginal tissue health.

There is something worth considering here: pleasurable sexual activity can provide physiological benefits beyond the immediate pleasure of intimacy.

Lady Passion® was formulated with herbs that nourish the Blood, support circulation, and connect the Heart meridian to the reproductive organs. Its herbs support relaxation of the Spirit and Heart and help create warmth and receptivity in the lower valley.

A Man's Fire: When the Mind Is Somewhere Else

For men, in Chinese medicine, we say they should wake up excited for the day.

But if a man is worried about his work, money, or responsibilities, he can have a difficult time feeling good about himself and his life.

This has a direct downward impact on his thinking and mood, affecting his natural sexual desire for his partner.

In a 2025 genetic epidemiology study, researchers found an association between financial difficulties and erectile dysfunction, with an estimated odds ratio of 4.34. The study had considerable statistical uncertainty, and erectile function is not the same as sexual desire, but the findings raise an important question about financial stress and male sexual health.

For men, the mind needs to be lifted.

This is an important part of the thinking behind Red Rooster®, our male energy enhancer and aphrodisiac.

Red Rooster® is a fiery Traditional Chinese Kidney Yang tonic that supports stamina, staying power, the endocrine system, and a positive psychological state.

Red Rooster® also supports the body's natural testosterone production. Testosterone plays an important role in a man's sexual desire, reproductive function, muscle strength, and energy. In Chinese medicine, we look at this through the relationship between Kidney Yang, Jing (Essence), and the body's reproductive vitality.

Epimedium, one of the herbs in Red Rooster®, contains icariin, which has been studied for its effects on testosterone and male reproductive function. In a 2006 animal study, Zhang and Yang found that icariin increased circulating testosterone levels. This was an animal study, not a human clinical trial of Red Rooster®.

Compared with Lady Passion®, Red Rooster® contains more herbs specifically selected to enhance the connection to the mind and support a happy, healthy mindset.

The herbs in Red Rooster® have a beneficial psychological effect traditionally recognized in Chinese herbalism, helping connect the mind to the genitals, or lower burner.

Several are especially interesting:

• Deer Antler Tips (Lu Rong) — Traditionally used to strengthen the mind, Spirit, and Essence.

• Epimedium — Used to enhance male sexual performance and staying power.

• Polygala Root — Traditionally valued for its relationship to the mind and Spirit.

• Panax Red Ginseng — Supports energy, mental vitality, and adaptability.

• Morinda Root — Traditionally used for male reproductive vitality.

• Fo-Ti (Ho Shou Wu) — Traditionally used to nourish Kidney Essence (Jing), support reproductive vitality, and replenish the body's reserves.

Western researchers have studied individual herbs in Red Rooster®, including Panax ginseng and Polygala root, for their effects on mood, memory, cognition, and mental performance. Human studies have reported improvements in certain measures of calmness, working memory, and cognitive function, although results have not been consistent across trials.

The important distinction is that Red Rooster® was formulated for more than physical sexual stamina. Its herbs support the psyche as well as the lower burner.

A man who is worried about money or not feeling good about his work doesn't necessarily need someone telling him to be more romantic. His psychological state is part of his sexual expression.

For same-sex couples, partners can choose the formula that supports the aspects they wish to enhance. Those wanting more driving energy and stamina can choose Red Rooster®, while those seeking greater receptivity and warmth can choose Lady Passion®.

End Note

The love hasn't gone anywhere. Sometimes we've simply spent so much of ourselves on everything and everyone else that there's little energy left for expressing it.

Sexual expression is one of the gifts of being human. Something private, a gift we were all given.

Enjoy the gift of being healthfully intimate.

How to Replenish the Wood and Stoke the Fire

Tonic herbalism is an ongoing and natural part of life.

Different herbs have affinities for particular organ systems, Qi, Blood, Essence, and Spirit, helping nourish, strengthen, and maintain the body's reserves.

This can be through a daily herbal protocol or preparing a whole chicken stuffed with herbs that restore minerals and vitamins to replenish the body and build healthy menses.

Traditional Chinese tonic herbs include roots, bark, leaves, berries, and mushrooms. They have long been valued for promoting a high quality of life, including physical vitality, adaptability, sexual vigor, mental acuity, compassion, and longevity.

The purpose is to support a healthy functioning body.

With BIORAY Intimate®, we have three tonic formulas that give us the opportunity to increase pleasure, joy, and intimacy.

Loving Energy® — Replenish the Wood

Loving Energy® is for women and men who need to rebuild energy reserves spent through stress, work, caregiving, and physical activity.

It restores what has been depleted and supports the body's capacity for sexual expression.

Daily intake: 2 mL, 1-2 times a day in water, juice, or as a tea.

Loving Energy® can also be taken after lovemaking or the following morning to replenish the body's reserves. The current PIG provides an intake of 2–6 droppersful for this use.

Lady Passion® — Stoke a Woman's Fire

Lady Passion® provides warming, relaxing, and opening support for the lower burner. Its herbs support Blood circulation, moisture, physical responsiveness, and female sexual desire.

Daily intake: 1-2 mL once daily or as desired, mixed into water or juice. Twenty minutes before a significant event, you may take up to 9 mL in water, juice, as tea or in spirits.

Lady Passion® should not be used during pregnancy or nursing, or when conditions producing excess body heat are present.

Red Rooster® — Stoke a Man's Fire

Red Rooster® supports the male endocrine system, physical stamina, staying power, mental focus, and psychological vitality.

Daily intake: 1-2 mL once daily or as desired, mixed into water or juice. Twenty minutes before a significant event, you may take up to 9 mL in water, juice, as tea or in spirits.

Red Rooster® is contraindicated for individuals with high blood pressure. Do not take Red Rooster® if you are taking high blood pressure medication. Always consult your healthcare practitioner when taking herbal or dietary supplements, particularly if you take medications.

A Maca Latte for Two

Here's a delicious way to enjoy tonic herbs together.

Ingredients

• ½ cup full-fat canned coconut milk

• 1 cup almond milk

• 1½ tablespoons cacao or cocoa powder

• 1 tablespoon maca powder

• 1 dropper Lady Passion®

• 1 dropper Red Rooster®

• Pinch of cinnamon

• Pinch of cayenne

• Pinch of freshly cracked black pepper

• ½ teaspoon turmeric powder

• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

• ½–1 tablespoon honey, maple syrup, or coconut sugar

Preparation

Whisk together the milks, cacao, maca, spices, vanilla, and sweetener in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat. Heat through, whisking occasionally, until warm. Remove from the heat, add the measured herbal formulas, and whisk vigorously for a foamy top.

Use the formulas according to your individual needs and the current product directions.

Sexual expression is one of the gifts of being human. Something private, a gift we were all given.

Enjoy the gift of being healthfully intimate.

Research References

1. Tracking Happiness. The Link Between Sex and Happiness. Survey of 1,147 male and female respondents.

2. Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett EA. (2016). Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More Is Not Always Better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(4), 295–302. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550615616462

3. Meltzer AL, et al. (2017). Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow: The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair-Bonded Relationships. Psychological Science.

4. Hunter MR, Gillespie BW, Chen SY-P. (2019). Urban Nature Experiences Reduce Stress in the Context of Daily Life on the Basis of Salivary Biomarkers. Frontiers in Psychology. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00722

5. Hamilton LD, Meston CM. (2013). Chronic Stress and Sexual Function in Women. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(10), 2443–2454. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12249

6. Wang et al. Financial difficulties and erectile dysfunction: Mendelian randomization research. Sexual Medicine. 2025. Full citation to verify before publication.

7. Human clinical research on Panax ginseng and Polygala tenuifolia concerning mood, memory, and cognitive performance. Complete study citations to verify before publication.

8. Zhang ZB, Yang QT. (2006). The testosterone mimetic properties of icariin. Asian Journal of Andrology, 8(5), 601–605. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-7262.2006.00197.x

BIORAY® products are dietary supplements. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

FAQs

1. Is it normal to love your partner but not feel sexually attracted to them?

Yes. Loving your partner and having the physical energy for sexual expression are not always the same thing. You can be deeply connected emotionally while your body is exhausted from work, raising children, poor sleep, or ongoing stress. In TCM, we look at the body's energy reserves and whether there is enough Yin to support the Yang expression of sexuality.

2. How often should couples have sex to be happy?

There isn't a number that's right for every couple. Interestingly, research involving 30,645 people found that sexual frequency was associated with greater happiness in relationships, with the association leveling off at approximately once a week. Having sex more frequently wasn't associated with additional increases in happiness. What matters is the pleasure, affection, and satisfaction partners experience together.

3. Why do I feel too tired for sex, even when I want to?

Sexual expression requires energy! In Chinese medicine, the Kidneys store Jing, or Essence, which supports reproductive vitality and our creative energy. When we've spent more energy than we've replenished, we can find ourselves without much left at the end of the day. This is why we look at restoring the body's reserves rather than simply trying to increase sexual stimulation.

4. What does “Stock the wood and stoke the fire” mean?

It's a simple way to understand Yin and Yang. Yin nourishes, cools, and replenishes; Yang warms, activates, and expresses. Think of Yin as the wood that fuels the Yang fire. If there isn't enough wood, there isn't much fire to stoke! This is the principle behind replenishing energy reserves before asking the body for greater sexual expression.

5. Why does stress interfere with sexual arousal?

In TCM, stress interferes with the smooth flow of Qi. Western research also shows a connection. In a study of 30 women, those experiencing high chronic stress had reduced genital blood-flow responses, even though their reported psychological arousal wasn't significantly different. They could feel sexually interested while their bodies responded less. Mental distraction was an important factor.

6. Why does a woman's emotional connection affect her sexual desire?

In Chinese medicine, the Heart houses the Shen, or Spirit, and the Kidneys are associated with reproduction, creativity, and sexual expression. The connection between the Heart and Kidneys is particularly important for women. If a woman doesn't feel safe, relaxed, and emotionally connected, her body can have a difficult time becoming receptive to intimacy.

7. Can worrying about work or money affect a man's sex drive?

Certainly. A man's thoughts about work, finances, and responsibilities affect how he feels about himself and his life. That can carry directly into his sexual relationship. In Chinese herbalism, we pay attention to the mind and Spirit as well as physical stamina. The mind needs to be uplifted, not simply the body stimulated.

8. What is the relationship between testosterone and sexual desire?

Testosterone is an important hormone for male sexual desire, reproductive function, muscle strength, and energy. But testosterone isn't the entire story. Mood, circulation, mental focus, and the body's energy reserves are also involved in sexual expression. In TCM, we look at reproductive vitality through the relationship between Kidney Yang and Jing.

9. Can herbs support the body's natural testosterone production?

Red Rooster® is formulated to support natural testosterone production. One of its herbs, Epimedium, contains icariin, a compound studied for its effects on male reproductive function. In a 2006 animal study, researchers found that icariin increased circulating testosterone levels. This research concerns an individual herbal compound, not a human clinical trial of the finished Red Rooster® formula.

10. What is the difference between Loving Energy®, Lady Passion®, and Red Rooster®?

Think about the wood and the fire.

Loving Energy® is the wood. It's a restorative Kidney Yin tonic used to replenish energy reserves.

Lady Passion® is a fiery tonic for women, supporting circulation, warmth, moisture, and receptivity in the lower valley.

Red Rooster® is a fiery Kidney Yang tonic for men, supporting natural testosterone production, stamina, staying power, and the connection between the mind and sexual expression.

11. Should I take Loving Energy® before Lady Passion® or Red Rooster®?

If your energy reserves are depleted, the first consideration is replenishing them. Loving Energy® supports Kidney Yin, the wood that fuels the fire. Lady Passion® and Red Rooster® are Yang tonics that support sexual expression. The TCM principle is to make sure there's enough wood before stoking the fire.

12. Why is Loving Energy® called Honeymooners Tea?

The traditional Chinese herbal concept behind Honeymooners Tea is replenishing the energy lovers expend through sexual intimacy. Loving Energy® follows this principle of supporting Kidney Yin and restoring reserves before or after lovemaking. Sexual activity is an energetic expression, and replenishment is part of maintaining those reserves.

13. Can sexual intimacy actually improve how we feel afterward?

Research suggests there is something to the experience of feeling especially close and satisfied after sex. A 2017 study found that sexual satisfaction remained elevated for approximately 48 hours following sexual activity. Couples who experienced a stronger sexual afterglow also reported greater marital satisfaction over time.

14. Do we need to wait until our sex drive is low before using tonic herbs?

No. Tonic herbalism is an ongoing and natural part of life in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Nourishing the body through foods, herbs, rest, and daily habits is part of maintaining our reserves. The purpose isn't simply to respond when something is depleted. It's to support the body's vitality throughout life.

15. Can we have a satisfying sex life as we get older?

Absolutely. Sexual expression doesn't have to disappear because we're getting older. Our bodies change, our energy reserves change, and the way we experience intimacy can change, too. Understanding how to replenish Yin, support Yang, and maintain the connection between Heart, Kidneys, and Spirit gives us a different way of thinking about sexual vitality. A loving, pleasurable sex life can remain part of our adult experience.